The life that should have been
by T'PeeJ
Summary: S&S BBC John Willoughby thinks of the life he should have been.


John Willoughby was not a happy man. It was his own fault. His one true love was married to someone else and he had to marry a woman that had money. It was a sad life that he had gotten himself into. Had he been a man of better of character then his life would have been so different. He made this bed and now he had to lay in it.

His wife, was beautiful and charming, but she was not Marianne Dashwood. Truth be told, now Mrs. Christopher Brandon. She married the Colonel a few years ago. Willoughby did his best to keep track of Marianne's life. They didn't travel in the same circles, but he found ways to know what was going on.

Even after all this time, Willoughby missed Marianne. His heart ached for her everyday of his life. Now Willoughby was going to be a father. He prayed everyday that the baby was a girl. He wanted a Marianne of his own. Though his wife had decided on the name of Elizabeth Mora for her Mother and his Aunt. He wanted Marianne added to the name. The wife would never agree to he knew that. She knew who Marianne was. Never would that woman agree to the name. So he waited until the birth. Then he would do it when she wasn't looking. Elizabeth Mora Marianne Willoughby would be her name.  
Willoughby spent as much time with Miss Grey, as he thought of her, that was possible. He waited on her hand and foot. Never letting her know, how he despised her. The child was all he cared about. His Marianne, his sweet child. When the woman went into labor, he called for his Mother in law. Between her and the maids they brought forth a baby girl to him. Willoughby started to cry. He had his little Marianne.

"Willoughby, next time you'll have a boy," said Mr. Grey.

"No sir, this daughter is just what I wanted," said Willoughby. "She will bring sunshine and laugher into this house. She is the apple of my eye already. I will love her and protect her with every breath that is mine."

The men were taken back by Willoughby. Had he gone mad? Boys, they were the only things worth their salt.

"What are you going to name her?" asked his Aunt.

"Elizabeth Mora Marianne Willoughby," said the proud Father.

"Beautiful name," said the Aunt.

Mr. Grey looked at Willoughby, he didn't say anything. He knew the name too, it seemed.

Willoughby took the child in his arms. He beamed at the little thing. He had his Marianne. Giving the child back to the maid to take care of. Willoughby couldn't wait for the rest of his life now.  
When his wife found out about the Marianne being added at the last minute. She wasn't happy at all. She let Willoughby know about it. Then she just gave up, it was her last middle name, and no one would ever hear it.

Willoughby worked hard at being a good husband to Mrs. Willoughby and Marianne. He found a job that he was good at to prove for them. He would come home from the office and go right to the nursery to see his Marianne.  
She would be waiting for her Poppa. He would carry her downstairs to play with him until dinner was served. You could hear them laughing from different parts of the house.

The maid would come and get them and they would go in to dinner. Willoughby would kiss his wife on the cheek. He would put Marianne in her seat next to him. Talking to his wife of things of the day and the world. Telling her of the gossip he had heard. They played this game very well.

Marianne was two years old now and Willoughby knew his wife would start on him again about trying for a son. He would stop using his protection starting now. He would surprise her. Though as far as he knew she didn't know that he made sure they didn't have any more children.

That night as they got ready for bed, he played up to her. In his mind he married Marianne. He didn't care about anything else. It was her who he wanted to make love to and he did. The wife was so surprised by it all and fell under Willoughby's spell. John saw only Marianne in his mind; it was she that he kissed. It was her that he loved. So she would have a son for him. As she slept in his arm. He played with her hair, wishing it to be the right color. It never changed. He was stuck with Mrs. Willoughby's dark hair.

Slipping into sleep, Willoughby dreamed of Marianne as always. They were happy and penniless, but it didn't matter. They had each other.

One day in town, Willoughby and Mrs. Willoughby were out when a couch pulled in and the door open and Colonel Brandon stepped out. Willoughby's heart almost stopped. The man turned to give his hand to someone and Marianne got out. His wife saw Marianne and pulled Willoughby in a different direction. He saw her. It was a quick look, but his Marianne was still very beautiful. Though he acted like he hadn't seen her for his wife. They stopped at the inn for a dinner before going on in their coach to her family's estate. It was a quick dinner and then they were gone. Couldn't have Willoughby seeing his beloved.

As they sat around after supper in the parlor, some cousin was playing the piano. Willoughby thought it sounded horrible. No one could play that thing around here very well. If only his Marianne was here to play it. He longed to sing the songs they use to sing. He longed to hear her voice fill the room with it's Angel's voice.

"Dearest John," said his wife once they were alone in their room.

"Yes, my wife," said Willoughby with as much sweetness as he could.

"I just wanted to let you know, that I am expecting again." said the woman.

Turning to face her, Willoughby smiled and took her in his arms to hold her. "A son for us?" asked the man.

"Yes, my love if God is willing," said the wife. "We could call him James John Willoughby."

"As you wish my beloved, it's a prefect name. For your Father and myself. I am honored by it as I think your father will be too." said husband.

"Well you try to not add another name to this child with out talking to me about it?" asked the wife.

"I will try to control myself, this time, my wife," said Willoughby.


End file.
